Family-life is not a Democracy
Family Life is not a Democracy
I ran into a problem yesterday when I returned to Germany. On my first evening, I wanted to slake my thirst for German beer, big-time! So I ordered two servings right off the bat. I could sit there, relish the sight of all that beer on my table, and get to drink it, too; but I knew I also wanted some wine and ordered a carafe of it, as well. Shamefully, I have to admit to not finishing either. I slaked my thirst, but had to leave some of it undrunk. I hate wasting anything, but I had work to do and wanted to operate on all my cylinders.
As I gulped my beer and sipped my wine, I read an article in the Süddeutsche newspaper titled "Die Familie ist keine Demokratie". It translates easily to "The family not a democracy." The author writes about a friend who took her son to the local ice-cream parlor for a treat. He looked over the full buckets of ice-cream behind the counter and decided he wanted it all--apple-strudel, blue ice cream, red ice cream, vanilla wrapped in a waffle, and everything else. The little guy could hardly contain himself.
"But you must choose only one," said the sensible mother.
He couldn't do it and started wailing with frustration. So many choices just overwhelmed him. His dithering meant that the other customers had to wait while he made up his mind. After a half-dozen mouthfuls, his tiny tummy had had enough. He wants it all but can satisfy only a small portion of his desire. How frustrating is that?
As the little boy ages, he may learn his limits as regards ice cream, but his tastes and capacity change, and mother is not in the picture as often to rein him in. He has to use his brain and keep evaluating the choices, whether ice cream, beer and wine, or more grown-up things like money, jewellery, or sexual relationships, Lawyers can spend their entire careers sorting out challenges for their wealthy clients, dealing with the "greed factor".
Finally, think of a nation as an ice-cream parlor. The children enter and hold votes in good democratic tradition about what helpings of ice cream to choose. Naturally they want the largest helping for themselves. With their mothers not around to act sensibly for them, things can get ugly.
In the national context, the legal authority—the "Mother" of our nation—the thing that keeps us out of each other's pockets, and preserves law and order--is a constitution. Democracy by itself cannot do that.