This article appeared in the Sunday-edition of the Welt newspaper in Germany, back in the Fall of 2022, not long after the travel restrictions caused by the Covid-19 pandemic had been lifted. The lifting of restrictions could not come soon enough! My last trip to Germany before the Lockdown occurred in May, 2019. I did not get to return to Germany until late August 2021; so more than a two-year gap.
Other restrictions continued in place for some time afterward, of course, such as the need for masks in public places, on buses, trains, and airplanes. Shops and restaurants carried on with shorter hours--those that survived the financial losses caused by the Pandemic. Grocery stores continued to stay open, but made customers line up outside and allowed them inside in lots of twenty. I will never forget the empty streets of Downtown Charleston. No traffic except skateboards, scooters, roller-bladers, and cyclists.
The title of this article in Die Welt, "Das Selbstwertgefühl ist das EPIZENTRUM DER PSYCHE", is a quote from a psycho-therapist named Stefanie Stahl, who believes that a person's sense of self-worth contributes the most to his mental-health. She continues that "Wir wollen von Anderen angenommen werden." We want to be accepted by others." Significantly, she states that "Bindung ist der größte Trost," which means that connectedness gives us the greatest comfort. So, the greatest challenge posed by the Lockdown was the isolation that it caused, and young people not seeing close friends.
An emphasis in Stahl's work derives from her belief that her clients need to nourish their "inner-child". The American psychiatrist Hugh Missildine coined this term in his book from 1963, titled Your Inner-child of the Past. Ironically, Stahl admits quite early in the article that she wants no children of her own. She has chosen to remain "bewusst kinderfrei", which means that she has consciously chosen to live her life free from children. I have heard other people make similar declarations, like an official notification of intent, so to speak, like filing a lawsuit or subdividing property.
She might as well shoot herself in the foot. For a therapist to admit she doesn't want children is like a fish trying to tell women how to ride a bicycle. She conveys over-control and careerism more than human warmth, and does not suggest that she really has the ability to help anyone, except with psycho-babble textbooks. As a German-speaker who has listened to over-educated, under-experienced German women talk like this, I understand the mindset; but in real life, humans learn by doing. If you can't do that, you teach with a textbook--as opposed to from personal experience. Stahl does not exactly inspire confidence.
Stahl suggests another cognitive-disconnect when the interviewer asks her what she means when she says she wants to "do her own thing." "How far do you mean that?" asks the interviewer. Stahl responds, "I am the rebellious type. I rely only on myself. . . . I don't let others get so close to me that they can wound me." Stahl also says she "runs two podcasts, gives speeches, and of course writes."
To me, she communicates passivity, a static environment, and a negative reaction to vulnerability. She omits perhaps the most important task of adolescents--to learn how to talk to and befriend other people. She concerns herself more with questions like "Will other people accept me?" and "Who do I allow to get close to me?" In other words, she does not prepare girls for social risk-taking, only protecting themselves from getting hurt.
Concerning isolation and social-bonding, my mother always warned me not to drink alone. If she saw me drinking a beer while I was reading, she shuddered a little and took me to task over it. Maybe she and Stahl had some of the same psychological orientation. "If you want to drink, drink with someone." I rarely disagreed with my mother over anything, but I always found that I drank more when I was with others.
I used to be friends with an older man whose business involved negotiating deals with Chinese businessmen. Their preliminary meetings were always drinking sessions with many ceremonial toasts. If I mentioned Mother's admonition not to drink alone, they would have said, "I demand we toast Mr. Bowers's honorable mother!" My friend said the toasts from the Chinese went on and on, in order to wear down the American team.
What I mean is that Stahl's insistence on connectedness and social acceptance do not provide a fail-safe life's path. In my experience, one person in a social group takes the initiative and drags the others along behind his kinetic sociability. My best friend in high school wanted to become President of the United States. Two other friends talked a lot about med-school. Their high aspirations, discipline, and intentionality dragged me along in their slip-stream. So I needed personal goals too, to keep up with them.